It has been on my mind a lot lately that my daughter is both an individual spirit in her own right, with characteristics that she was born with, and also a product of my raising her. I am beginning to be able to see more of both sides of the issue as she gets older.
Her personality is starting to really congeal and shine. She looks like me, but is so much like her father that often I find myself completely exasperated with her. She mosies when I need her to hurry, she has absolutely
no spacial awareness, and is so smart and at the same time so completely oblivious in certain areas. She NEEDS attention and by 6 o'clock, you know it if she hasn't had enough throughout the day. She is not afraid to physically throw herself at you or talk over your conversation to gain attention.
There are also things that make me just feel like gushing with pride and love about her, too. She loves to have fun; she is passionate about it. I love that she has a toy each day that she can't bear to be separated with at bedtime, so i find her asleep with it when I check on her before I go to bed. She has so much fun playing with friends that she often breaks down into real tears when she has to stop playing with them. She is always willing to get something for me that I need. If Mira is crying and I can't (or don't) take care of it right away, she is always there, bringing a toy or talking to her to make her feel better. Her sensitive little heart has a hard time with anger, meanness, and things she perceives as bad. Even the bad guys in harmless cartoons (like Barbie and Avatar) really affect her mood.
Those are things that I'm pretty sure I had nothing to do with. She would be that way whether I was her mother or not. But then there are things that she does that I
know come from me. Some good and some bad. Like I often find that I was lost in thought about something and when I come back to the present moment, I find her completely quiet, staring off into space, too. And on the other side, if something goes wrong that she is passionate about, beware the temper! She will shout at the drop of a hat if the situation calls for it.
It makes me reflect on my own qualities, my own weaknesses, and my own upbringing. There are things I think I do well and good things that I got from my parents that I want to pass on. And there are many that I hope I can change before they permanently etch themselves into her amazing little brain. There are moments each day when she is exasperating me that I have to step back and remember that she is a special and important person, not just a child throwing a tantrum, again. But I'm glad that I've at least made it that far. It's growth and I'll take it.
On a lighter note, the other day, after I got back from a photo shoot, I was working on something, not really paying close attention to what Emilia was up to. Finally she got my attention and said she was going to take my picture. I turned to look at her camera, and this is what I saw.
That's her barbie camera sitting on top of my tripod. It's nice to know that our children love and admire us (at least before they become teens) no matter how many flaws we have, isn't it?
