Shift in perspective

Have you ever had the experience where you know you are being blessed, that you have an easy life, that you're well taken care of, and that nothing is really going wrong, necessarily, but you just have a hard time feeling blessed and happy?

That was my week. I was cranky for no reason, I was disappointed about the smallest things. I wasn't uplifted by the sunshine and warm weather like I usually am.

I tried to pull myself out of it by telling myself that I have no reason to be sad or upset. My kids are healthy and beautiful and growing the way they should both physically and mentally. My husband is good to me, has steady work, and is a wonderful father. I get to stay home with my kids, have a flexible schedule, work on things I love, have money to decorate my house, and I have been blessed with so many talents and abilities. We have no shortage of food. We have a beautiful house in a safe neighborhood in a beautiful area of the world. My kids have good schools to go to. We have family nearby and we get along with them and support each other. I have friends who I love and I'm able to do fun things with them regularly. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and a loving Heavenly Father and feel blessed by my membership in my church. And that's only a quick list. I have so much to be thankful for.

And yet thinking about all those things didn't help much. I realized that my depression meds are probably off and adjusted them. I realized, through a comment of a good friend, that I was focusing on the negative thoughts more than I was focusing on the positive. I'm trying to change that. I realized that there were some things that were disappointing me daily, so I adjusted my expectations. I realized that my kids are going through stages right now that would make anybody cranky and cut myself a little slack. And I did a lot of praying.

I'm feeling better today. Plus, attending church is uplifting (and gives me two whole hours away from my currently-difficult, though admittedly adorable kids). :)

Functioning under this emotion cloud was difficult, but I did function. I even had some fun.

One evening this week--Tuesday--I got to go out with my friend Gina. She treated me to Indian food at a hole-in-the-wall place up by where she lives. It was delicious. Curry and butter chicken and naan. Mmm . . . enough to make my mouth water just thinking about it. We got to talk for a good three hours about deep things and was a balm for both our souls, I think.

I got to take my kids to the park a couple times. Cecily would live at the park if the rest of us were inclined.

I redecorated my dresser. Again. I like how this iteration turned out, so I think I'm going to leave it. I need to get a saying printed to put in that big frame. I think I'm going to go with, "Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling."

I got to go to the temple, and mostly kept the house clean, and I got to bake cinnamon bread. (Four loaves! Two for us [they're almost gone] and two to give to the ladies I visit teach.)

I cleaned out the garage (mostly) (FINALLY). It feels so good to have a space decluttered, doesn't it? I love that feeling.

I went thrifting again because my mom asked me to find some cool stuff for her house after seeing my bedroom update last week. Here are some of the cool things I found this time.

And just for fun, here is a description of one of my mornings this week, to show you the craziness I deal with:

Mira is at a stage where she takes everything personally and gets upset about the stupidest things! Yesterday, she screamed for like five minutes straight because she couldn't follow our fingers to see the chickens that Emilia had seen through the car windows. Also, Cecily is at the stage where nothing she says makes sense and she doesn't understand simple questions. Like this morning, she kept pointing at the drawers in the kitchen saying, "I want that." And I kept saying, "Want what?" and she just kept repeating, "That!" until we were screaming at each other. So I told her, "If you could learn to communicate better, it would be really good." And her response was, "Yes, communicate. Want that. Communicate taste good." And instead of finding that funny I just wanted to scream and send her to her room. I finally figured out that she wanted the bread on top of the counter (which wasn't very close to the drawers she was pointing at, nor is it something she will usually eat for breakfast), but by that time I was so frustrated, my mood was entirely ruined. There was also the three girls who couldn't sit still long enough to listen to/read FIVE verses of scripture this morning. During those five verses, Cecily screamed at least three times, went to find her blankie, and climbed over three people, smashing my chest in the process, in order to lay still for about five seconds. Emilia decided to play with Mira's nose, who giggled and then screamed for her to stop it. We told Emilia to get her shoes on, which she ignored and started playing with her sisters. And then when I reminded her that she HAD to get her shoes on or she would be late, Mira and Cecily decided to keep her from leaving them by dragging on her arms until Emilia and I were both screaming at them to let go. Cecily decided to change her tugging and begging to Steve who was trying to get his lunch ready so he could take Emilia to school. That was all before 8:20 this morning. It's no wonder I feel like I'm crazy. It's not me. It's them.

Steve and Emilia and Mira got to do something fun on Saturday that I didn't do. Grandma and Grandpa Watts took them and Jane, Meg, and Kate to Disney on Ice. I stayed home with Cecily, because I knew her attention span would quit about half-way through and I would be more relaxed here at home. Steve says they all enjoyed it. (He's a guy, so I didn't get much more than that.)

In parting, I leave you with some pictures of Mira. I put her hair in pigtails one day. The next morning, she took the ponytail holders out, but her hair stayed. I woke up to her asking, "Mom--do I look like a cute elf?" I think she looks like the cutest elf around. :)